I think it’s human nature to run from things that are uncomfortable.
Today I am feeling totally out of sorts. Nothing inspires me to write, except for this. Feeling blue is a common experience for a lot of people, and today I’m doing the uncomfortable. I am sitting here and allowing myself to feel the blues.
It’s not very comfortable. At all. I normally try to do something to pep myself up when the blues come to town. Whether it is getting into a hobby or getting physically active or whatever, it seems that I can work myself through the blues with relative ease.
Not so today.
This morning I woke up from fitful sleep where I’d awakened through the night from powerful nightmares. Nightmares involving tornadoes and super colossal RVs. Yeah, I don’t know, either. The funk that met me at daybreak has settled on my shoulders and I feel weighted down by its insistence that I pay it attention. So I have. And it’s not fun.
In a truly feeble attempt to fight the blues, I sat down this morning with Duolingo here at the computer and looked at my stats. Considering I’m only fluent in my native tongue, I looked at how far I’ve progressed in learning Spanish and other languages. This review of my accomplishments would normally set me right and get me back into learning, which in turn would get me happier and help me kick the blues aside. I figured that Duolingo might be a savior today.
I figured incorrectly.
Last night I got an email from Duolingo that got my heart pumping. (If you love language learning, you will understand this.) Duolingo released lessons on the Dutch language last night which are accessible by mobile. This got me excited, so I jumped into the first lesson with abandon upon hearing the news. It was fun, especially since the beginning lessons seemed fairly easy to comprehend and consume. I decided before bed that I would take up the Dutch language and see how far I could get with it before I got completely stumped.
This morning, however, when I thought about learning Dutch I felt my blues-infected self say “meh.”
What do the blues feel like? The words I list could describe a cosmic horror. Oblivion. Desolation. Emptiness. It’s neither fun nor comfortable, and because of this that I sit with them. No point fighting. I am boring today and feel like saying “whatever” to everything. Maybe the blues will have enough of my “meh” attitude and go seeking someone else to torment.
Hey, that’s an idea. I’ll play a game with the little fuckers. I’m going to see how boring I can be right now. If I try real hard, maybe the blues will run away. It’s worth a shot.
Wish me luck.