It happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly that it took me nearly six years to comprehend what happened.
All I was doing was lying down on the sofa, reading a book about Mozart, listening to music composed by Mozart, and BOOM, it happened.
I got a brief glimpse into the void.
The event was a split second but felt like a small eternity. When I “came to” and found myself where I left myself, stretched out across the sofa with a book in my hand, I nearly wept.
How does one explain what one sees in a split second alone in the void?
I can tell you what I sensed, what I felt, and it was those things that took six years to accept and fully realize.
First of all, there is no such thing as sin. Religions fade away in the ever-revealing light of the void. Secondly, everything is interconnected. We are truly one in the same being. The void is swimming with creative energy. What I saw was a sea of color, like a nebula exploding and swirling in the black deepness of space. I sensed that this is where I will end up after death, my energy merging with the energy of the cosmos. In an instant, my fear of death dissipated.
Every question I’d ever had was answered in a nanosecond. I knew the reason for life. The reason why we exist on this tiny little planet flying about in the furthest reaches of the Milky Way. What I didn’t expect was to forget all the answers to all of life’s Big Questions. But I had a taste, and I know that everything I’d ever been taught about god isn’t true. I knew god existed, only it wasn’t the god we’d all grown up to believe. It was the god of All-That-Is, and all that is is the vast ocean of the cosmos. Outer space. Who knew?
Up until that moment, I didn’t.
In fact, I had just recently converted to Roman Catholicism after being raised a Southern Baptist. In between my Christian journeys I’d tasted Wicca, Buddhism, Hinduism and even toyed with atheism. All of them left me craving something I couldn’t find in any belief system. It took me experiencing an unforeseen, unexpected glimpse of awakening to make me realize that religion no longer served me.
This was a difficult pill to swallow. That is why it took me about six years for everything to come together in my mind and in my spirit.
Today I look back on that brief moment of clarity and realize what a tremendous gift I’d been given. Unlike the wise ones who meditate daily, seeking a sliver of a glimpse, I’d been tossed head-long into the void. Me, a middle-class American nobody.
That told me the truth about enlightenment. It’s for everyone.
For years I ached to experience another glimpse. To lose myself forever in the bliss of cosmic awakening. But now I know that I am awake, even though LIFE pulls me back down to earth. I find that my feet are cemented firmly on the ground while my spirit longs to break free. Walking like this through my daily life is a struggle at times, but I let it go when it gets to be too much to bear. I remind myself to breathe and let go. The cosmos holds me.
More than just an earthling, I am a child of the universe. Nothing can comfort me more than this.