I haven’t written much lately but I have done a lot of thinking, and it is that thinking that is prompting me to do a little writing this afternoon.
Please bear with me as I get my thoughts together.
Of late, I have been consumed with thoughts of lack. Thoughts of “not being good enough.” Thoughts of “maybe this is all that life has to offer me.”
All of these appear to be negative thoughts. Yet, at the same time, they are thoughts of truth as it stands in this moment.
Do I lack? Of course I do. We all have lack in some area of life. For me at this present moment, I lack peace of mind. I feel a disconnect that occurs once in a while on my spiritual path. Some days I feel that my connection with the Universe is strong and that I can move mountains. Other days I feel that I need to retreat to a cave and wait out the storm.
Am I not “good enough?” That one needs to be investigated. By “good enough,” do I mean “fit in the system?” If so, then no, I’m not good enough. I choose to live outside of the mainstream as much as I can for it is outside of the illusory world I find my peace. When I commune with nature and with the stars at night, I find my purpose and my connection. So yes, in the eyes of the world I am not “good enough.” I have a less-than-perfect body, am aging, am losing my hair, and do not have any of the status-symbol trappings of society. Here I am.
The thought “maybe this is all that life has to offer me” is true in that where I am is where I put myself. It can be argued, and rightly so, that people in third world countries who have to scrape to survive would not say that they put themselves in that position. I agree and I have no explanation as to why this is the case, nor do I wish to argue the point. It just is the way it is.
For me, I can look at where I am in life and see all the decisions that placed me where I am right now. I am not complaining, for my basic human needs are met. The world offers us what we need and sometimes we are able to get what we want. At the heart of this is the decision to choose. We choose where we end up in life. Sounds woo-woo esoteric but there is truth in this. I live where I live and work where I work and love who I love because I decided once that I wanted to work, live and love in this way. Life tends to work with you when you choose to work with it.
So hard to explain something when the words just won’t come to you, but I hope you understand where I am coming from.
A certain dissatisfaction with life happens to everyone at some point in our journey on this planet. I think that when this happens to us, we need to step back and reevaluate where we are.
Where do we want to go? Are we making the correct choices and taking the necessary steps to get there?
Maybe that’s what I need to do right now. Figure out where I am, how I am, and where I am going.
Time to clean the windshield of my life and focus on only one thing, and that is BEING.
Photo credit: vinare.me